How do you go back to the way you were?? Before years of this and that..and a bunch of stuff that has hardened you....How do you get back that whimsical feeling, that being excited about life and the future... Where did that go? I asked myself that question last night. We were sitting in the garden, just as we always have for many full moons. As I have said the last few years we've all gotten away from our "Magical Garden".. but this year I wanted that to be different. I think I may have hurt my friends feelings, because I said that the garden didn't feel the same as it used to just yet. I soon realized that wasn't really a statement about the garden so much as it was a statement about myself and my own mindset..I think I used to look at the Garden as this extremely magical place, a spot that was full of whimsy, magic, and a abundance of life and positive energy!! Well I'm really none of those things anymore and I used to be. I used to feed off that gardens whimsy and in a sense I think it fed off of me. How can I get that great attitude back..that is my challenge??? I started taking my Lupron shot the other day...blahhh is all I can say about that. It makes me angry, sad, anxious, and extremely restless. Not to mention it's hard to sleep at night because I wake up with hot flashes, hence I'm a bit sleep deprived and I get tired easily...sighhhh. That coupled with my overwhelming feelings of gloom, and my negativity..makes for a not so sparkly girl...sigh again. I want to change. I feel a little bit like the girl in the move Hope Floats, when her mother says"What happened to you"...man I used to shine####. At the restaurant where I worked people used to come in just to see my smiling face, and take in my kick ass positive attitude. I once had a lady come in after her brothers funeral because she said she knew my positive energy would lift her spirits!! Gee who was that girl??? The other night while I was stuck in one of my sleepless hours I started listening to Hay House Radio. A great Internet radio app I have on my phone. There's alot of self-help/spiritual type radio programs..very cool. Well this particular night the man hosting the show was talking about how people are always worrying what other people think, and that sometimes we assume what others are thinking negative about us. And that sometimes those negative thoughts and feelings we think others have of us, are actually our own negative feelings we have about ourselves. OMG so me...Sometimes I think I'm the one in my own way..gee If I could only get past myself and my own negative feelings. I always think everyone thinks the worst of me so I try harder to be perfect..maybe alot of it is my own issues with self worth and self image.. You'd think a girl with a Master's in Psych could have gotten past this by now...harder than it looks friends..Anyway I've been inspired by this Oak Moon, by the Garden, by my Hay House Radio listening sessions... The time for change is now!!
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