Rants

I usually write about more "UP" topics.. Things like gardening , fairy's, and other whimsical type themes!! Well today is one of those days where this blog acts as a hour long therapy session..the therapist..my own computer..I went on a job interview today. OMG.. Totally nerve wrecking. I guess I feel like I'm the only one that gets nervous at interviews. Although I'm sure I'm not..I mean there are entire books written on how to prepare and calm yourself before a interview...I still somehow always single myself out??? Why?? I'm not sure..I try and think up reasons why I'm inadvertently foreverly..uhh is that even a word..Screwed UP!! Like maybe I'm just afraid of a challenge?? Maybe I have low self esteem.. Maybe I have no idea what I want from life??? UHHHH Why am I like that?? Maybe I worry to much about what the world expects of me.. One thing I have learned is keep your mouth shut till you know something...if you don't go running your mouth..then you have nothing to hide..If know one knows anything..then no one knows anything..just how I like it.. Then you don't have to explain anything.. Yes I know I'm a hopeless AVOIDER..I used to say things out right..then deal with the endless questions, torment, and worry.. A friend of mine once told me why are you worrying about something that hasn't happened yet? Don't worry about it till you have too.. And what they don't know won't necessarily hurt them.. avoid.. So I've decided in the last few years to avoid conflict..instead of facing it head on..I know kind of whimpy... but it's better than the alternative. I need to do some serious soul searching. I have written on here before about my previous job and the fire, and not knowing what to do..but as I said before, the time off has granted me a special opportunity. I wish I could go back and be 18 again and have my whole life ahead of me, with decisions about my future fresh in my mind. I'd do it different.. But you can't go back no matter how much you want too.. You can only be as you are now and live in the present. You can't live in the past..a big problem of mine. I just want to find my niche..something I can be happy with and proud of.. Help!!