Why?

I went to the Dr. today...oh blahhhh. I particularly hate my annual check up because of all the female problems I got going on. And honestly I hate talking about it...with anyone really even my DR. But anyway it puts me in in a bit of a bummed out mood and I try not to dwell anymore than I already do. I'm a dweller...I admit it. I wish I could change that part of my personality. Actually I wish I could change alot of things about me...but I guess we all do. I want to stop avoiding conflict, escaping, but it seems like that's just most people's go to..type of thing. I used to think you had to be completely honest 100% of the time, even if it meant that you looked stupid, or were put in hard situations endlessly... I learned in the last 5 years or so that worming your way out of something, not telling the whole truth, does have its benefits. UGHHH I hate even saying it.. I'm so uncomfortable with lieing, I almost become physically sick when faced with the possibility of doing it. But maybe that makes me a good person, and that's a good thing. I tell fibs like the guy at the bar who wants me to go out..Oh yeah sure I have a boyfriend...let em down easy..I don't want to be mean...is that wrong? Maybe I'm not assertive enough and I feel too uncomfortable just saying NO...I always feel like I have to have a reason or a excuse...Why am I like that??